Final logs will follow, probably tomorrow, but for now..... this.

If the red slayer think he slays,
  Or if the slain think he is slain,
They know not well the subtle ways
  I keep, and pass, and turn again.

Far or forgot to me is near, 
  Shadow and sunlight are the same,
The vanished gods to me appear,
  And one to me are shame and fame.

They reckon ill who leave me out;
  When me they fly, I am the wings;
I am the doubter and the doubt,
  And I the hymn the Brahmin sings.

The strong gods pine for my abode,
  And pine in vain the sacred Seven;
But thou, meek lover of the good!
  Find me, and turn thy back on heaven.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

RPed 31st December 2007. With thanks to Aspen for acting as GM, despite having no notice.

It will readily be apparent that there are no IC comments from Felix upon this entry.

RPed 30th December 2007.

Interesting girl that new cub I picked up from Straus High the other day. Not... girly at all, but doesn't seem a tomboy either. Seems more of... an intellectual, if anything. Don't get many girl bookworms. Which is probably why I didn't know what to do with her.

Also, not my tribe to teach. Don't fancy Chris's fist on my nose again. Or even Salee looking at me more in sorrow than in anger (she has a look that goes through me like a knife when she's mad at me. Which is too often).

So I kept mum a lot of the time and let Kaz talk. Nobody could suspect Kaz of trying to fill a cub's head with radical thoughts; she's Kaz. Beyond belief that the scruffy, stinky old metis could have her heart anywhere but the right place. Garou like Kaz are the backbone of any sept. And they never get recognised. And they don't care.

Played 29th December 2007

Walking into the caern with her was awesome. When she laughs it's really nice sounding. Never heard a girl laugh like that before.

My heart thumpedwhen she grabbed my shirt to groom me. (Is this normal??)

Mostly they laughed at me. bitches She's different.

Oh god that Silver Fang. Bing bong nobody home.

Liked that song. Sounded good and traditional. This sept doesn't have enough traditions. Too fractured for that.

Standing up and telling them she's expecting... I felt so proud. For a moment I imagined be (Course, I would have to be kin for th.) Shouldn't go into what ifs, Felix. You are a garou. Killing machine not loving machine. The road to sin slopes slowly down. Don't take that first step.

My relationship with Salee Ockham is strictly business and for the good of the tribe of Thunder.

Played 28 December 2007.

I wish I knew why women deliberately put themselves in situations like this. (Oh, I mean shopping. Not pregnancy.) It was hell in there. I wanted to frenzy and run amok screaming, like those football players the other week. (I noticed one of the stores still had its window boarded up from that.)

But I will say this for her, I can't think of anyone I'd sooner have as backup in a mall than Salee.

She doesn't bug me like most people. And she's got a kind of cute grin when I do something she finds crazy. And her perfu

I wonder what her boyf

I think I might almost get along with her even if I wasn't trying to do so to score advantage for Thunder, you know?

But hugs still make my skin creep. Even hers.

Played 27th December 2007.

Don't often get the chance to just have a good long talk with another garou without being interrupted.

That Mel kid is smart, for a... no, mustn't think like that. Get me into trouble, that will.

She's smart. Period. End. Yeah.

Played 26th December 2007.
Looks like I'm becoming the cub delivery man. Which, unlike pizza delivery, doesn't bring you tips.

At least it interrupted what might have been a tricksy situation with Chris. I need to maintain equilibrium there. Mustn't let him get to me. Not visibly anyway.

I wonder if the cub's anything to do with those football rowdies Chris is looking into? Guess time will tell.

Played 24th December 2007

I don't understand that woman.

She is somehow weak and yet uses her weakness as strength.

I am strong and yet somehow my strength makes me weak around her.

The situation is more complex and more dangerous than it seems.

I don't know whether she knows it.

I'm sweating just thinking about

Only sixteen for Thunder's sake

She likes my eyes. Nobody likes my eyes!

And stamps

Fireflies-

NO.

Anything I do with her is with the strict aim of furthering and bettering Thunder's grip of the situation. And if that means going for dinner with her or seeing a show, so be it. And if I happen to enjoy the process... how does that differ from enjoying putting my foot on the head of the Wyrm and grinding it into a bloody smear on the ground?

Played 21 December 2007.

==============================================================================
Message: 22/22 in folder main Received: Tue Dec 18 21:48:15 2007
From: Aja
To: Felix
Subject: Gift
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A gift is lift for Felix in the place he frequents. It's from Aja and within it is 1/8th of weed and a small dugout for it: http://www.growhigh.co.uk/catalog/popup_image.php?pID=1078&image

==============================================================================


I confess, dear diary, that I was nervous when I got the Children of Gaia those... presents. I'm not exactly versed in getting gifts. But they seemed to appreciate them.

Somehow I always feel so much better after a session with those two. As though all the things which preoccupy me normally cease to matter.

I suppose that in the morning life will be back to normal, though.

Oh well. I am strong. I am a Shadow Lord. I can overcome anything the universe throws at me.

( What did you think I did to relacsh, Chrish? Eat babies? Lick Vera-rhya's bootsh clean? Jerk off in my room while reshiting the fucking Litany? )

Played 20th December 2007.
Cubs forming a pack! Odd, but harmless, and I suppose it will give them good practice.

Interesting to see that they've not let that little mouthy Glass Walker cub in. I don't blame them one second.

Chris seems genuinely concerned for Salee. That or he's like me and just doesn't like not being able to figure out a situation...

Played 18th December 2007.

What is wrong with that damned woman? Why is Chris so mad at her? Why does she keep puking and looking so ill?

I'm going to get to the bottom of what's going on with Salee if it kills me.

And if KL can't kill me, whatever's wrong with Salee surely can't.

In other news: Black Furies are rude and arrogant. Film at 11.

Played 17th December 2007.

Now he's really pushing his luck. Showing off in front of his packmates and that ugly Fury ho, KL.

They say that the body has no memory of pain. My nose gives the lie to that. It remembers. And one day my nose is going to have revenge on Chris just as KL is going to pay for the scars across my face.

One day they will all pay. Every last one of them. I shall be in power over them, and they will cry out to me for pity, and for mercy, and for clemency. And I will turn my thumb down like a Roman emperor, and see them butchered.

...

...So Adalyn is in Stormfront now. I approve. She is no Anvilhead -- who could be? -- but she is loyal and brave, even though inexperienced. The experience will come soon enough.

I wish I knew just what the pack order was between the cliaths; Saul, Adalyn and me. I have been in the pack longest, but that does not of itself elevate me above them. I suppose all will become clear with time.

Played 11th December 2007.
He keeps beating me. I don't know how he does it. He's fast, sure, ragabashes tend to be... but... he shouldn't be able to do this to me.

I must be patient. I must continue to act the pupil to his teacher. Let him think that just because he can beat me mano a mano, that he is the better garou. Don't remind him that I could slit his throat while he slept with silver, or any of a million other pleasant daydreams...

I am doing this for the Shadow Lords and for the sept. Not for my own sake; I don't need a friend. Not a friend like him anyhow. And I am certainly not doing it for Salee; why should I try to impress her further when I'm already in her good books? No. This is strictly business.

I wonder if my little parable struck any chords with him.

Played 10th December 2007.
A cub! A lost cub! An early Christmas present!

Seems like he can fight, too. Even if he's not so hot at speaking English. I wonder where he's from? Oh well, we may not know where he came from but we know where he's going.

(Played 9th December 2007)
So Vera-rhya wants to play nice-cop nasty-cop with Chris, does she?

And she's casting me as nice-cop?

Well, goodness knows I'm more accustomed to playing nasty cop, but if that's what she wants I'll be nice to the little bastard. In all truth I do feel a little sorry for him after what he got. I would have hesitated to judge him as harshly as Vera-rhya did.

But I am not, needless to say, going to tell her that.



( For one garou to look at another's breashtsh, while undeshirable, does not in my view form an act of sharash. )